We’ve been focusing a lot this week on negative, or unpleasant, emotions, since those are the ones that, obviously, we find more troubling. Those are the emotions that can disrupt our days. We will return to emotion again in week five when we talk about stress and anxiety.
In this lesson, we’ll wrap up our week by talking about cultivating positive emotional states.
To talk about positive emotions, though, we need to first talk about negativity – specifically, the negativity bias in our brain.
The negativity bias is our predisposition to notice, and remember, negative events. It makes sense from an evolutionary perspective – our ancestors who noticed and responded to the threats in their environment survived. Those who didn’t… well, they didn’t become our ancestors. We are the descendants of the nervous worry-warts!
Neuroscientist, and author of Buddha’s Brain, Rick Hanson states it this way – our brains are Velcro for the bad, and Teflon for the good.
Our brains are more sensitive to negative information – we perceive fearful faces faster than happy or neutral ones. The hippocampus (a key part of the brain involved in memory) prioritizes the storage of negative memories over positive ones. This also makes sense – it’s far more helpful for our survival if we remember the threatening events than the happy ones. We can get more carrots tomorrow, but if the stick hits us, we’re done!
We also know that negative interactions or events “trump” the positive ones – research shows it takes 5 positive interactions with a person, company, or entity to overcome the effects of a single negative interaction.
So it’s not surprising that we have this general background of fearfulness or anxiety! But that doesn’t mean we have to stay in the negative zone. It just means sometimes we need to work a bit harder – we need to practice – to cultivate positive emotions.
Rick Hanson provides several suggestions for how we can cultivate positive emotions. Again, it’s not about ignoring the negative ones, but about deeply and fully experiencing the joys as well. As I’ve said before, what we practice gets stronger – the more we practice taking in the good, the more that can become our default mode. And the more we cultivate mindful attention, the more we can be aware of the good that’s already in our lives!
How do we take in the good? Try these recommended practices (several suggestions are courtesy of Rick Hanson):
- Make a positive fact a positive experience – spend some time letting yourself feel the good emotions when they arise. Turn the fact of your clean house into the experience of enjoying your special space. Turn the fact of “it’s lunchtime” into the experience of savoring a delicious meal.
- Spend time with the positive – though negative experiences register immediately, we need at least 10-30 seconds with a positive experience (feeling it, experiencing it, remembering it). Keep those neurons firing and bathing in the happy feelings!
- Look for the good – set an intention to see something good every day. Look for beauty, notice the positive qualities in others, or pause to observe (or initiate) a small act of kindness.
- Let yourself enjoy the good without guilt. I am trying to ban the phrase “guilty pleasure” from my vocabulary. If it’s pleasurable (with good intentions and it doesn’t harm others), then why should I feel guilty? We know we carry around enough negativity – let’s not bring it into the positive elements of our lives!
- Take joy in simple, healthy, non–addictive pleasures – a nap, a warm shower, a hot cup of coffee – they all can be transformed into positive experiences and memories.
- Know when you are NOT in pain – how often do we say, “I don’t have a headache right now!” or “I’m totally NOT stressed right now!” (blame that negativity bias!) Take a moment to pause during the day and observe what is right with you instead of focusing on what is wrong! (When researchers have people wear ‘beepers’ that go off intermittently during the day and they have to record their feeling at the time, they find that most of the day, we are actually happy or neutral. But we tend to fixate on and remember the negative moments of our days).
- Use a positive memory to soothe pain – this is partly why talking to someone about our pain, getting a warm hug and compassionate attention, can be so helpful. It adds a small layer of kindness to our experience, and subsequent memory of, the pain.
This bears repeating — this isn’t to say that we should feel positive and happy all the time. It’s not to say that feeling sad or angry is “bad.” All emotions are valid, and to be experienced fully, whether they are positive or negative.
But research tells us that about 40% of our happiness (yes, they’ve actually measured this) is completely within our control. (The other 60% is based on external circumstances and our “genetic set-point” for happiness). That means by cultivating positive emotion and embracing joy, we can be happier. We have a great deal of control over how we feel! That’s brilliant! 
Weekend Assignment: Set an intention to notice the good and savor positive experiences. See if you can notice the negativity bias in your brain (and when you do, thank your brain for taking care of you by trying to warn you of a potential danger!), and counter that bias with positive, authentic, and joyful emotion.
Feel free to share your positive experiences or moments of joy and beauty in the Facebook group. Perhaps take a picture of something wonderful and unexpected? The possibilities are endless!