The Formula for Meaningful, Joyful Living

[progressally_objectives]For most of its history as a discipline, the field of psychology has focused on the things that can go wrong in the human experience — the disorders and dysfunctions of the mind. Only recently has the field of positive psychology gained traction, seeking to answer questions like “What makes life meaningful and satisfying?” and “What makes happy people happy?”

And happily ?, we’re starting to get some research-based answers!

First of all, the research tells us there are many pathways to happiness — some people find happiness through kindness and service, others through justice and democracy, some through living a virtuous life, and still others through a good nap and a cup of coffee.

Second of all, the research tells us happiness is good for us. When we are happy, we are more productive and creative. Happy people are healthier, too — they have fewer strokes and fatal accidents, and have reduced rates of cardiovascular disease and allergic reactions. In fact, happy aging adds an average of 7.5 years to your life!

Finally, the Greater Good Science Center (GGSC) at the University of Berkeley has given us a “happiness equation”!

Cultivate positive emotions, add social connections, reduce stress and, ta-da! Happiness! (If only it were so easy…)

But how wonderful that science has distilled for us a short list of daily tools we can use to make our lives more joyful! Let’s break down that equation. Specifically, we can:

1. practice compassion (see previous lesson and the guided meditation for this week)

2. practice gratitude (see previous lesson)

3. cultivate awe

The GGSC defines awe as the feeling we get when we are in the presence of something vast, something that is beyond our ordinary frame of reference that we don’t immediately understand. It’s an experience that cannot fit into our existing schemas, and requires an adjustment in our way of thinking.

There are many things that can inspire awe, but the most common occurrences of awe happen in nature, likely due to the sense of vastness. Another common source of awe is witnessing unexpected goodness or nobility in others.

Research shows that we generally experience feelings of awe twice a week, and that when we do, our sense of self-importance and feelings of entitlement go down, and we are more inclined to act with generosity. It also reduces inflammation in our bodies!

Bottom line — if you want to experience awe, spend some time in nature. If you can, step outside and marvel at the world, even if it’s just for one minute! When you see kindness in your children, or on the playground, or from other people, spend some time soaking it in.

4. connect with others

We are social mammals. We need to be connected to other people. Having strong social connections adds 10 years to your life expectancy (as big of a benefit as quitting smoking!) If possible, find a mother’s group in your area, take a mommy and me class, sign up for kids and mama yoga classes, or just hang out with the neighborhood mamas. Find your village.

5. practice forgiveness

You can find some helpful mindfulness-based articles on the practice of forgivenesshere and here.

6. touch

Touch is our most ancient system for soothing and regulating emotions. It’s why babies want to be snuggled and swaddled. It’s through touch that we develop a sense of trust and safety in the world. So be a hugger. (Give YOURSELF a hug!)

7. practice mindfulness (have we talked about this? ?)

8. play

We tend to downplay “play” in the west, compared to the ethical and religious systems in the east (think of the goofiness of Zen koans and images of the laughing Buddha). But primates and mammals play all the time. Just watch your dog or your cat or your kids. Play is natural to us, and it enhances our health. So tell jokes, play a game, watch a funny movie. Just play.

Christine Carter says that as mothers, we may think play is a waste of time. But think of play as a way to “sharpen your axe” — by giving your busy mind a break, and allowing some time to just have fun and laugh, you can go back to your to-do list with renewed energy and focus. I think this is why those adult coloring books are so popular right now!

9. use narrative

Our sense of self is essentially a collection of the stories — the narratives — we tell ourselves. How do we explain the content of our lives? How do we interpret setbacks? With mindfulness, we can see these stories and understand the ways in which they help us and harm us.

If you were a novel, what would the themes be? What are the conflicts? Who are the main characters? What are the major turning points? What’s the most unexpected plot twist? How would you make sense of the suffering and tension and elation and joy and redemption in your life story?

Research shows that people who have a more coherent life narrative are happier and healthier. They have lower rates of anxiety and depression, higher levels of wellbeing, and better immune functioning.

So even if you’re not a writer, you ARE a novel. Could you write one chapter?

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We are playful, compassionate, social, and grateful story-tellers. We are meant to live with purpose and meaning and joy.

Which practices are currently part of your happiness formula? Which ones would you like to cultivate?