Transformation is often difficult… and I am guessing that some of your goals and intentions will present you with challenges. So let’s survey the latest research about how we can change when change is hard!
1. Get control of self-control
When we talk about accomplishing important goals, or making significant self-improvement or self-development changes, we’re really talking about WILLPOWER and SELF-CONTROL. We may know what we want (a slimmer body, for example), and how we’re going to do it (eat more salads, eat less chips)… but if we don’t have a lot of willpower, we’ll reach for the cookies instead of the quinoa.
The good news is that we can 1) strengthen our willpower, and 2) structure our days so as to maximize the willpower we have.
One of the most important things to understand about willpower is that it is a limited resource, and we are spending it all day long. Every time you have to make a decision (stay on Facebook or get back to work? go to the salad bar or snack machine for lunch? say what you really want to say to your co-worker or bite your tongue?), you use willpower. In fact, willpower researchers Roy Baumeister and John Tierney estimate we spend 20% of our waking hours resisting temptations!
In one particularly interesting study, participants had to work on difficult logic puzzles while sitting 1) near a plate of warm cookies they could freely eat, or 2) in the presence of the warm cookies, which they could not eat… but near a plate of radishes they could eat from freely. Those who sat near the radishes gave up much more quickly when the logic puzzles got harder. Even controlling for the sugar boost that cookies may have provided, the group that did not have to exert their willpower resisting treats had more willpower in reserve to call up their “stick-to-it-iveness” so they could complete the challenging problems.
Grocery-store owners know this phenomenon well. After making literally hundreds of decisions in the aisles (sugar-free? decaf? mixed nuts or chips?), our willpower is depleted by the time we get to the checkout lane – where all the “impulse” items are waiting to be purchased when we’re low on self-control.
So what can you do?
- Budget your self-control. Many people report that they are much more productive in the morning, and I think this is because they have a big bucket of willpower to draw from in the morning. Observe when during the day you have an easier time saying no to distractions, and make that your time to do the important work.
- Boost your self-control. Studies show that if we exercise self-control to transform a relatively minor daily habit, we increase our self-control in other areas as well. In one study, participants were directed to pay attention to their posture, and work on sitting up straight each day. This required constant self-monitoring (which is, not surprisingly, supported by mindfulness practice), and constantly choosing how and where to stand and sit to promote good posture. In addition to improving their posture, they increased their overall stamina and productivity. Even your meditation practice is a step in boosting your self-control — by monitoring your attention and your posture!
- Reduce your stress. You’ll be learning a lot more about mindfulness practices that reduce stress in the upcoming weeks, but let me just tell you right now that stress is a MAJOR draw on our willpower.
- Make sleep a priority. A good night’s sleep is just what your self-control needs.
- Feed your brain. The brain runs on glucose, and studies show that when glucose levels drop, so does our self-control. But this doesn’t mean eat a bunch of sugary candy — that will give you a quick boost followed by a huge crash. Instead, go for the slow-burn: high-protein foods that can fuel you for the long haul.
- Watch for signs that willpower is waning. Generally, you can notice that your willpower is low if there is a change in the overall intensity of your feelings. Did you just burst into tears over a commercial? Snap at your partner for a minor infraction? Are you unable to make even the smallest of decisions without feeling totally overwhelmed? That’s a sure sign your self-control is low, and it’s time for a break.
Even though a word like “self-control” sounds harsh in comparison to the gentle language of mindfulness, self-control and willpower ultimately let us relax. We don’t have to expend as much energy resisting temptations, because we’ve either increased our self-control, or we’ve structured our environments in such a way that we don’t need to use it as much.
2. Take baby steps
Even the longest journey starts with a single step. Recognize that it will take lots of baby steps to get to where you want to go, so be sure to reward yourself along the way for incremental improvements or successes.
3. Remind yourself, “Work is good.”
Accomplishing goals is often hard work. In our culture, we tend to equate hard work with drudgery and unpleasantness, and therefore we approach it with a whole lot of resistance. Consider spending some time evaluating your attitude toward work – can work be fun? Can it be easy?
4. See yourself as that which you want to be
No, this isn’t a “Secret” thing about imagining yourself being rich and then you become rich. But research indicates that if we make something part of our identity, then we are more likely to act in a way that is in keeping with that identity. Chip Heath and Dan Heath, authors of the popular book Switch, write that research “shows us that people are receptive to developing new identities, that identities ‘grow’ from small beginnings. Once you start seeing yourself as a ‘concerned citizen,’ you’ll want to keep acting like one.”
So try seeing yourself as a successful author, a loving mother, or a famous thought leader, and then ask yourself, how would a successful author handle this situation? How would a famous thought leader structure her day?
5. Script the critical moves
This is another great piece of advice from the Heath brothers. They tell us that “change brings new choices that create uncertainty,” and we can get stuck in decision paralysis.
“Change begins at the level of individual decisions and behaviors, but that’s a hard place to start because that’s where the friction is.”
Dan and Chip Heath
In the next lesson, we’ll explore some powerful ways you can automate your routines and structure your environment to promote growth.
6. Shrink the change
I am quite certain that something has already been accomplished toward your most important goal. Spend some time honoring what you have already done.
You know those punch cards you get from the coffee shops, where every 10 drinks you get a free one? Well, they’ve found that people are more likely to buy enough drinks for the freebie if the card comes with one or two of the punches already completed (even though they still have to buy the same number of drinks). Just knowing they’re already a few steps along the path motivates them to continue.
So what’s already been punched on your card?
7. Establish your “bright lines”
Baumeister and Tierney remind us that often our best intentions are not enough — we say we’re going to eat healthier, but then we see the yummy dessert tray, and we figure, “Well, it’s just a small piece of pie…” And then the NEXT day, we think, “Well, it wasn’t so bad having a little dessert…” And there goes the diet!
They recommend we establish “bright lines” — clear, simple, and unambiguous rules so we KNOW when we’ve crossed the, you guessed it, “bright line.” It’s really a promise to our future self — it’s honoring that we will stick to the plan today, because we know we will stick to the plan tomorrow. Baumeister and Tierney say when the present self believes that the future self will do it, too, we’re more likely to honor our intentions.
8. Avoid procrastination
Duh. I know you know this one. But here are some ways to help fight procrastination (plus more on this in the next lesson):
- Use the “not now, but later” tactic: you know you need to get work done, but your favorite show is on. What to do? Tell yourself, “Not now, but later. You don’t have time to watch it now, but you can watch it later.” (This works great for when you’re tempted by sweets, too). To the brain, thinking you might get something later is a little bit like having it now. This “trick” can often satisfy the monkey in your mind long enough for you to be able to focus on your task.
- Use the “Do Nothing” alternative: if you’re working on the Next Great American Novel, you need to write. So you set aside two hours for writing, but then you start using the time to tweet, and research recipes…. and all sorts of other forms of procrastination. With the “Do Nothing” rule, you set aside those two hours to “Write…. or DO NOTHING.” Use an app to block your Internet access, or whatever you have to do, but make your “bright line” rule be that if you don’t write, you DO NOTHING. You stare out the window. You sit. Pretty soon, you’ll start writing.
Which of these strategies do you think will be most helpful for you?