Lucky for us, there are researchers who devote their time to studying the best kind of goals we can set! I’ve summarized their findings with the acronym BEST.
Our goals/intentions should be:
- Bendy
- Everyday
- Satisfying
- True
1) Bendy
While we want to have a clear destination in mind, we must also be open to opportunity and changing circumstances. If our intention is to learn to surf, and then our job transfers us to Minnesota…. well, we might decide to learn snow-shoeing instead! We need to be bendy and flexible, accepting that life often intervenes and things might not turn out as we had hoped.
Perhaps the best analogy I can give for this is teaching — in my many years in the classroom, I would have objectives for each class, each day. I would intend to cover X amount of content, get to a video Y minutes long, and have a discussion on Z. Many days, we would complete everything we needed to! And many days, an unexpected fire alarm, a particularly insightful comment or question, a disruptive student, or any number of things could completely derail my intended plans. Most of the time, it worked out just fine — we could get to the video the next day, or the off-topic conversation ended up being unexpectedly relevant. If I could bend a little and accept that some things were out of my control, I was okay. It was when I rigidly tried to keep to my intended plan that I ended up feeling a bit broken.
Life is not a script. It’s more like improv — we set the mood and the intention, and then we participate in the performance!
2) Everyday
Research shows that we are more likely to attain our goals, and to be happier in doing so, if we choose goals that are based on everyday actions and activities, as opposed to trying to change our circumstances (e.g., learn how to tap dance vs. move to a bigger house). The everyday, action-oriented goals give us purpose, structure, and focused engagement, and often bring additional benefits (e.g., improved endurance and more social connections from joining a dance class). These are goals that are more about lifestyle changes than the circumstances in which we live.
If our goal is “move to a bigger house,” we may not actually see much change in our actual levels of happiness once we reach our goal. Researchers call this “hedonic adaptation” — our new circumstances give us a small boost in happiness levels, but then as we get used to the new situation, we adapt and fall back to our set level of happiness. An intention that involves everyday engagement is more likely to produce consistent improvement AND joy.
3) Satisfying
Research also demonstrates that goals that are personally meaningful and chosen by us are more fulfilling (and more likely to be fulfilled) than ones that are chosen for us or that we choose based on others’ expectations. Sometimes we set goals (like becoming a doctor or getting married or having children) that are more about how others see us or are about gaining others’ approval. As you look at your “dreams data” from last week, honestly evaluate your lists and determine which ones are things that truly are personally meaningful and satisfying for YOU.
4) True
Our intentions should be true to who we are and fit our personality. Obviously, if we don’t like animals, we probably wouldn’t set the goal to become a vet. But we sometimes do this on more subtle levels — if we are naturally introverted, why would we pursue something that makes us uncomfortable and is unsuited for our temperament? This isn’t to say that we shouldn’t challenge ourselves — sometimes learning to tolerate discomfort in order to do something meaningful is exactly what we need to do — but it’s worth reflecting on how good of a fit our goal is for US.
Sonja Lyubomirsky says we should ask ourselves, when I work toward this goal, am I MORE the person I want to be — or LESS?
Lyubomirsky says there are two other things to consider when we set goals and intentions, but they didn’t fit into my acronym! Our goals should be harmonious and coherent, meaning one goal shouldn’t directly conflict with or sabotage the others (which is kind of obvious, … but just make sure your goals aren’t to become US President AND move to Australia). Lastly, approach goals (things we are working toward) are more effective than avoidance goals (things we are trying to escape). It’s better to set our intention as “Build a more trusting and playful relationship with my partner,” instead of “Don’t fight with my partner.”
Download: Click here to download a Goals/Intention Brainstorming funsheet. You’re not committing to any of these goals (not yet, at least!) — just write down, based on your reflections in the last two weeks, the Intentions/Resolutions/Goals you’ve been thinking about, and evaluate them based on the BEST criteria. This is a helpful way not just to determine which intentions you want to pursue, but how you can tweak your intentions to maximize your happiness and success!