Welcome to Week Six!
[progressally_objectives]
Wow.
Week 6.
Just take a moment to pause and reflect on all you have learned so far in Brilliant Mindful YOU!
- Mindfulness of breath, body and sound
- Finding your anchor
- Basic meditation postures and practices — eating, walking, etc.
- Dealing with thoughts in meditation
- Emotional awareness
- Nervous system and emotional systems basics
- Responding versus reacting
- Cultivating positive emotions
- Dealing with physical pain
- Understanding the mind-body-brain connection
- Awareness of stress and management of stress
- Mind traps and how some of our stress is “in our heads”
- Heartfulness, compassion, and lovingkindness
- Mindful communication
- Forgiveness
Whew! That’s a lot!
Consider all of this a starting point. Mindfulness is an eight-week course, and it is also the rest of your life.
This course isn’t about becoming an expert. It’s not about getting “good” at meditation.
This course is about learning to live with greater calm, balance, and ease. It’s about putting YOU back in control of your life.
I truly hope you are seeing these transformations in your life.
This week, we are coming full circle. Mindfulness is the same in the end as it is in the beginning. We return to the breath.
This week, we will explore how we continue with our practice — making mindfulness a natural part of our day. We’ll talk about gratitude and self-care and all the nourishing goodness we need for our modern mindful life.
We’ll return to our anchor. We’ll rest in awareness.
That’s the practice. There’s no AP Mindfulness.
Today, sit in awareness. Breathe deeply. For 25 minutes. Or 5 minutes. Or 30 seconds.
Breathe deeply.
Come back to the beginning.
“KEEPING QUIET” BY PABLO NERUDA
Now we will count to twelve
and we will all keep still.
For once on the face of the earth,
let’s not speak in any language;
let’s stop for one second,
and not move our arms so much.
It would be an exotic moment
without rush, without engines;
we would all be together
in a sudden strangeness.
Fisherman in the cold sea
would not harm whales
and the man gathering salt
would look at his hurt hands.
Those who prepare green wars,
wars with gas, wars with fire,
victories with no survivors,
would put on clean clothes
and walk about with their brothers
in the shade, doing nothing.
What I want should not be confused
with total inactivity.
Life is what it is about;
I want no truck with death.
If we were not so single-minded
about keeping our lives moving,
and for once could do nothing,
perhaps a huge silence
might interrupt this sadness
of never understanding ourselves
and of threatening ourselves with death.
Perhaps the earth can teach us
as when everything seems dead
and later proves to be alive.
Now I’ll count up to twelve
and you keep quiet and I will go.
—from Extravagaria (translated by Alastair Reid, pp. 27-29, 1974)
“If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.”
Meister Eckhart
As we return to the beginning — to the basics — this week, we are landing on one of the most simple mindfulness practices:
gratitude
Gratitude is a standard practice in virtually every wisdom tradition and ethical system in the world. And it’s simple because it’s not as fraught with anxiety as some of the other practices we’ve explored. It doesn’t involve digging deep into our past or our behavior patterns, or exploring painful emotions.
Gratitude is defined by the Greater Good Science Center at the University of Berkeley as:
“appreciation, wonder, and reverence for what is given.”
Gratitude is the opposite of taking life for granted. It’s acknowledging all that has been given to us.
Even Adam Smith, the so-called father of modern capitalism, wrote “the duties of gratitude are perhaps the most sacred of those which the beneficent virtues prescribe to us.”
There are many ways we can practice gratitude — it can be as simple as pausing to say thank you before a meal, or it can be a formal practice, such as keeping a gratitude journal.
Luckily, we have researchers who study this stuff and have figured out the “minimum effective dose” for gratitude! Researchers McCullough and Emmons conducted a study of college students in 2003 and found that writing down just five things they were thankful for once a week was enough to see positive benefits. Click here for a template you can download for your Brilliant Binder so you can create your own weekly gratitude journal.
{You may also be interested in this post on my blog about starting a gratitude practice — and how to practice gratitude even when it’s hard.}
In the study mentioned above, the researchers found that practicing gratitude led to improved levels of happiness and physical health, a better cardiovascular profile, and more satisfying romantic relationships. Emmons writes that “people are actually more successful at reaching their goals when they consciously practice gratitude.” He further notes that “people made to keep a gratitude journal in my studies consistently report feeling more energetic, alive, awake, and alert.” Gratitude is good for us!
Gratitude is so powerful because it involves accepting impermanence. We don’t take things for granted because we know things can also be broken and gone. When we practice gratitude, we truly experience what has been given before it breaks. We stand in the fleeting nature of the moment. We have to be present to truly live and appreciate our life. Gratitude is fundamentally a practice of being present.
And you know what? There is ALWAYS something to be grateful for. Even on our darkest days, we have food to eat. Or a pillow to sob into. Or a friend to give a hug. Just because gratitude is simple doesn’t mean it’s easy — but the practice of choosing to find the good inclines the mind to goodness.
The mind takes on the shape of whatever it rests on. And we know from our previous lessons that the negativity bias of our brain means if we leave it to its own devices, the brain will rest on what is wrong and threatening. Gratitude rewires us for happiness.
As one of my teachers says, gratitude is a love letter to the universe.
I encourage you to write yours today.
What the Living Do
by Marie Howe
Johnny, the kitchen sink has been clogged for days, some utensil probably fell down there.
And the Drano won’t work but smells dangerous, and the crusty dishes have piled up
waiting for the plumber I still haven’t called. This is the everyday we spoke of.
It’s winter again: the sky’s a deep, headstrong blue, and the sunlight pours through
the open living-room windows because the heat’s on too high in here and I can’t turn it off.
For weeks now, driving, or dropping a bag of groceries in the street, the bag breaking,
I’ve been thinking: This is what the living do. And yesterday, hurrying along those
wobbly bricks in the Cambridge sidewalk, spilling my coffee down my wrist and sleeve,
I thought it again, and again later, when buying a hairbrush: This is it.
Parking. Slamming the car door shut in the cold. What you called that yearning.
What you finally gave up. We want the spring to come and the winter to pass. We want
whoever to call or not call, a letter, a kiss — we want more and more and then more of it.
But there are moments, walking, when I catch a glimpse of myself in the window glass,
say, the window of the corner video store, and I’m gripped by a cherishing so deep
for my own blowing hair, chapped face, and unbuttoned coat that I’m speechless:
I am living. I remember you.
“Whether we have happiness or not depends on the seeds in our consciousness. If our seeds of compassion, understanding, and love are strong, those qualities will be able to manifest in us. If the seeds of anger, hostility, and sadness in us are strong, then we will experience much suffering…. With understanding and love, we will know how to water our own beautiful seeds and those of others, and we will recognize seeds of suffering and find ways to transform them.”
Thich Nhat Hanh
In many ways, everything we’ve learned in Brilliant Mindful YOU! — and everything that probably brought us here — is about the search for a happy and meaningful life.
For most of its history as a discipline, the field of psychology has focused on the things that can go wrong in the human experience — the disorders and dysfunctions of the mind. Only recently has the field of positive psychology gained traction, seeking to answer questions like “What makes life meaningful and satisfying?” and “What makes happy people happy?”
And happily, we’re starting to get some research-based answers!
First of all, the research tells us there are many pathways to happiness — some people find happiness through kindness and service, others through justice and democracy, some through living a virtuous life, and still others through a good nap and a cup of coffee.
Second of all, the research tells us happiness is good for us. When we are happy, we are more productive and creative. Happy people are healthier, too — they have fewer strokes and fatal accidents, and have reduced rates of cardiovascular disease and allergic reactions. In fact, happy aging adds an average of 7.5 years to your life!
Finally, the Greater Good Science Center (GGSC) at the University of Berkeley has given us a “happiness equation”!
Cultivate positive emotions, add social connections, reduce stress and, ta-da! Happiness!
And don’t a lot of those practices look familiar?
How wonderful that science has distilled for us a short list of daily tools we can use to make our lives more joyful! Specifically, we can:
1. practice compassion (see week 5)
2. practice gratitude (see previous lesson)
3. cultivate awe
The GGSC defines awe as the feeling we get when we are in the presence of something vast, something that is beyond our ordinary frame of reference that we don’t immediately understand. It’s an experience that cannot fit into our existing schemas, and requires an adjustment in our way of thinking.
There are many things that can inspire awe, but the most common occurrences of awe happen in nature, likely due to the sense of vastness. Another common source of awe is witnessing unexpected goodness or nobility in others.
Research shows that we generally experience feelings of awe twice a week, and that when we do, our sense of self-importance and feelings of entitlement go down, and we are more inclined to act with generosity. It also reduces inflammation in our bodies!
Bottom line — if you want to experience awe, spend some time in nature. Look at a tree, sit by a body of water, or stare up at the sky.
4. connect with others (refer to week 5 lessons on mindful communication)
We are social mammals. We need to be connected to other people. Having strong social connections adds 10 years to your life expectancy (as big of a benefit as quitting smoking!) We can practice cooperating with others.
5. practice forgiveness (see the last lesson in week 5)
6. touch
Touch is our most ancient system for soothing and regulating emotions. It’s why babies want to be snuggled and swaddled. It’s through touch that we develop a sense of trust and safety in the world. So be a hugger.
7. practice mindfulness (have we talked about this?)
8. play
We tend to downplay “play” in the west, compared to the ethical and religious systems in the east (think of the goofiness of Zen koans and images of the laughing Buddha). But primates and mammals play all the time. Just watch your dog or your cat or your kids. Play is natural to us, and it enhances our health. So tell jokes, play a game, watch a funny movie. Just play.
9. use narrative (see weeks 2 and 5)
Our sense of self is essentially a collection of the stories — the narratives — we tell ourselves. How do we explain the content of our lives? How do we interpret setbacks? With mindfulness, we can see these stories and understand the ways in which they help us and harm us.
If you were a novel, what would the themes be? What are the conflicts? Who are the main characters? What are the major turning points? What’s the most unexpected plot twist? How would you make sense of the suffering and tension and elation and joy and redemption in your life story?
Research shows that people who have a more coherent life narrative are happier and healthier. They have lower rates of anxiety and depression, higher levels of wellbeing, and better immune functioning.
So even if you’re not a writer, you ARE a novel. Could you write one chapter?
We are playful, compassionate, social, and grateful story-tellers. We are meant to live with purpose and meaning and joy.
Which practices are currently part of your happiness formula? Which ones would you like to cultivate?
In the next lesson, we’ll dive into how we can utilize these practices and create a mindfulness and self-care plan for living our mindful, joyful life!
“The small retreat is in the wilderness,
the medium retreat is in the city,
and the great retreat is in the emperor’s court.”
Zen saying
We are now embarking on the great retreat — the rest of our lives. You’ve established a mindfulness practice, you’ve experimented with different strategies and have hopefully discovered the ones that work best for you.
How do we move forward? How do we practice mindfulness in the city and the glittering, overwhelming court of the emperor?
As much as mindfulness is about being in the moment and embracing spontaneity and everything the present contains, I also believe it’s important to have a plan. It’s important to set intentions for our practice (recognizing that they are just that —intentions).
I shared with you in the first week that it takes, on average, 66 days to instill a new habit, to make something become part of our everyday routine. As we come to the end of Brilliant Mindful YOU!, we’ve been at this for over 40 days! You’re two-thirds of the way there.
Click here to download a template for Practice Intentions. I have modified this from the work of Marc Anderson, Executive Director of the M2 Foundation (a St. Paul non-profit focusing on bringing mindfulness to schools and workplaces). As a partner with the M2 Foundation, I participate in their 8-week practice periods, which involve making a series of commitments for practice and personal growth. We share our commitments with each other (in addition to gathering for one-day practice sessions).
I think Practice Intentions (or commitments) are so powerful for encouraging us to live the way we intend to. As I’ve stated before, when push comes to shove, we will revert to our traditional patterns rather than rising to our expectations. Practice Intentions keep us on the path of practicing when it’s easy, so we can respond skillfully and mindfully when life gets hard.
These Practice Intentions are also about self-care. We need to take care of ourselves if we are going to live compassionately and joyfully in the emperor’s court.
So download your intention sheet and create your own “practice menu.” As Marc says when he asks us to set our intentions, “Clarity and dignity may be our birthright, but if we don’t engage with them through practices and community they remain dormant. Practice with joy, and find your heart connection to these life activities so they aren’t ‘I have to‘s but are ‘I get to‘s.”
Finally, I leave you today with Chade-Meng Tan’s poem, “The Lazy Bodhisattva”:
With deep inner peace,
And great compassion,
Aspire daily to save the world.
But do not strive to achieve it.
Just do what comes naturally.
Because when aspiration is strong
And compassion blossoms,
Whatever comes most naturally,
Is also the right thing to do.
Thus you,
The wise compassionate being,
Save the world while having fun.
Cultivate peace and compassion, have fun, and save the world. Now THAT’s the great retreat!
Congratulations!
You have spent 6 weeks… or 16 weeks… or however long it’s taken you to get here… taking care of yourself.
You have walked and breathed and eaten and spoken mindfully.
You have explored your emotional landscape, investigating your stress triggers and your reaction patterns.
You have cultivated compassion and joy and positivity.
You have found ways to nurture yourself and your innate gifts.
You have developed a deeper awareness of your body, your mind, and your surroundings.
You have spent time in silence and stillness, even when it was hard. Even when you didn’t want to.
You have given yourself an amazing gift.
So take a moment today to honor and thank yourself. Celebrate Brilliant Mindful YOU!
I hope you have discovered through this course that mindfulness and brilliance are your birthright. This course did not give you mindfulness, but instead helped you discover the stillness and awareness that are always available in the present moment, in the present body. I know I promised I would stay away from the “woo-woo” in this course, but let me just say that I KNOW we are all brilliant, radiant star stuff. My sincere hope is that Brilliant Mindful YOU has helped you connect to your innate goodness and compassion and light.
I envision the work we’ve done in this course being a bit like dusting off a lightbulb, removing the layers of mind traps and arrows and stories and habitual reactions that have accumulated on the surface due to a lifetime of conditioning and busy-ness. As we carefully and gently polish the delicate lamp, previously blurry areas of the room come into focus. Our vision and awareness expand. The light shines brighter. We shine brighter.
As the Buddha said in his final words, “Be a light unto yourself.”
So today is a day of celebration. Take time to nurture yourself today. Do something kind for yourself to honor the work you have done and will continue to do so that you may live with greater calm, balance and ease.
Jon Kabat-Zinn writes in Full Catastrophe Living that people often ask why the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction classes end after 8 weeks. Shouldn’t everyone continue coming to class?
He says that the challenge now is to practice mindfulness on your own, without the structure of the classes. It is about integrating mindfulness into your daily life — just as we’ve been talking about this week. It is about finding your path.
We ourselves must walk the path:
Buddhas only show the way.
-from the Dhammapada
And so I will end the content of this course with this poem from William Stafford, with which I close all of my mindfulness classes:
You Reading This, Be Ready
Starting here, what do you want to remember?
How sunlight creeps along a shining floor?
What scent of old wood hovers, what softened
sound from outside fills the air?
Will you ever bring a better gift for the world
than the breathing respect that you carry
wherever you go right now? Are you waiting
for time to show you some better thoughts?
When you turn around, starting here, lift this
new glimpse that you found; carry into evening
all that you want from this day. This interval you spent
reading or hearing this, keep it for life –
What can anyone give you greater than now,
starting here, right in this room, when you turn around?
William Stafford
THANK YOU!
I would also like to take this time to THANK YOU for your support of and participation Brilliant Mindful YOU with me.
You will find your two final audio downloads at the bottom of this lesson. My intention with Brilliant Mindful YOU is that you now have a variety of mindfulness practice guides, ranging from 5 to 25 minutes in length, so that you can choose one each day depending on how much time you have to practice. The downloads are both 25 minutes long, and include longer periods of silence.