In this first lesson, we’re diving in to what mindfulness is… and what it’s NOT. And it starts with this video from me! 

Video Highlights/Summary:

Mindfulness is our ability to attend to the present moment, with curiosity and without judgment. It’s a simple concept, but not necessarily easy to do! And that’s why we’ll be learning several practices that can help us train our attention and become more aware of the judgmental tendencies of our minds.

Mindfulness is not thinking of nothing, it’s being aware of our thoughts. It’s not being happy all the time, it’s being with whatever we are experiencing in the present moment. It doesn’t mean we’re so caught up in the present that we cannot plan for the future — it simply means we bring our awareness to any activity we engage in, including planning.

Mindfulness is also not religious, or “New Age woo-woo.” Mindfulness has its origins in contemplative and religious traditions, but it can also be a completely secular practice. Since my background is in public education, my “style” of teaching mindfulness is very practical, down-to-earth, and not at all religious.

Finally, mindfulness is not zoning out — it’s zoning in. It’s not necessarily relaxation, either! You very likely will find that mindfulness practices leave you feeling calm and peaceful, but it’s important not to bring any expectations to our practice. Some days our practice will be amazing. Some days we will be restless and irritated. Mindfulness means we allow the practice to be what it is. It will be different each and every time!

What is Mindful Awareness?

Mindfulness teacher Shinzen Young describes mindfulness as three attentional skills working together:

These are the skills we will work on cultivating throughout the course! Life is truly a lot easier when we can focus our attention where we want it, when we know what we’re thinking and feeling when we’re thinking and feeling it, and when we can meet our experiences without judging, clinging, or pushing.

Mindfulness? Meditation? What’s the difference??

We will be using both of these terms in this course, so let’s get clear right from the start on what they mean!

We can think of mindfulness very broadly. It is both a practice (such as formal seated sessions where we observe the breath), and a way of being (such as bringing your full attention to playing with your kids or pausing to observe your reaction to an event with openness and curiosity).

Mindfulness meditation is a very specific form of meditation. Meditation can mean lots of things, and it can be practiced for a variety of purposes (for calming down, for engaging in prayer, or for attaining nirvana and liberation). Mindfulness meditation is typically performed as seated meditation, though you could also be lying down, standing, or walking. (Byron Katie says that there are really only four basic postures — sitting, standing, lying down, andwalking. The rest is story.) In mindfulness meditation, we train our attention to focus either on a single object (what we call an anchor, which we’ll learn more about in a later lesson, such as the breath or the body, or we focus on whatever happens to come into our awareness.

I will use the word “mindfulness” broadly, to refer to both the formal practices as well as the manner in which we live every moment of our day. When I use the word “meditation,” I will be referring specifically to seated practice.

You will find a lot of resources that provide suggestions for how we can bring mindful awareness to activities throughout the day — washing dishes, folding laundry, or driving to work. These are wonderful practices!

I strongly believe, however, that in addition to those mindful moments, we should have a formal seated practice.It’s in moments of intentional stillness and silence that we can truly begin to observe the habits of our mind. It’s in formal practice that we develop insight into the fleeting nature of our thoughts and emotions (observing what is often called “the monkey mind.”) In fact, this form of mindfulness practice is referred to asvipassana, or “insight” meditation. “Insight” doesn’t mean nirvana or an epiphany — it’s simply insight into the workings of the mind.

I hope this explanation makes sense — if you have any thoughts or questions, please share them below!

As I said in the video, I will encourage you to start with just five minutes a day of seated practice. And you can begin right now with the audio meditation provided below!

Guided Meditation

Find a comfortable place to sit, either in a chair or on the floor, or you can lie down, either completely flat on the ground or with your knees bent and the soles of the feet on the ground (this is great if you have back problems).

Click play below to listen to the guided meditation:

You can also access the meditation here: Introductory Meditation

People always ask me, “When is the best time of day to meditate?”

Here’s the answer:

The best time of day to meditate is the time of day that YOU will meditate!

For me, it’s first thing in the morning. For you, it might be at lunchtime or after the kids are in bed or right before you go to sleep. Pick a time of day that works for your schedule, and when you can remain alert.

I like mornings because it’s a nice ritual to wake up in my quiet house, pour some coffee, light a candle, and sit in the peaceful darkness. I also like that the first thing I do in the day is for ME, and I don’t need to worry during the day about when I can find time to meditate. I find I am too tired in the afternoon and evenings. But those times may work for you.

I’ll say this many times in this course, but you are your own best teacher. Listen to what’s right for YOU. I will recommend, however, that you try to stick to a consistent routine — if you choose mornings, try to make it every morning. It’s hard for us to get into any kind of habit, whether it’s meditating or brushing our teeth, if we are not consistent.

In Charles Duhigg’s The Power of Habit, he provides excellent advice for establishing new habits and making them stick. The key is understanding the habit loop:

cue —> behavior —> reward

You’ll be more likely to maintain your habit if the cue is an everyday event (getting out of bed, sitting down at your desk at lunchtime, tucking the kids into bed, or brushing your teeth before bed). You want that cue, or trigger, to signal to you that it’s time to meditate (behavior). Each time the habit loop happens, you lay down neural pathways in the brain for that behavior. The more you do it, the more ingrained the behavior becomes.

Then you can get to the point where every time you brush your teeth at night (for example), you know it’s time to meditate and you just go do it. It becomes part of your routine.

When you’re starting, you may want to find an external reward to complete the habit loop — perhaps a cup of coffee, or a few minutes on Facebook? Eventually, you’ll likely find that meditation itself becomes its own reward, but it helps to start with something a bit more tangible. Mindfulness teacher Shinzen Young writes,

“Researchers in the field of positive psychology have shown that a highly focused state is per se rewarding even if what’s focused on is not intrinsically interesting or pleasant. I would state this somewhat differently: Concentration has its own distinctive ‘reward flavor.’ … As one’s mindfulness skills grow, these reward flavors become increasingly tangible and immediate.”

Be patient with yourself in establishing this new habit. Adding something new to our routine, or changing our old routines, is really hard! In The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod, he states that often the first 10 days of a new habit are unbearable. If you’re trying to establish an exercise routine, for example, you’re going to be sore and tired for the first few days. And then around day 10, it starts to get a little easier, and you begin to see some benefits from your workouts. And after another 10 days, you might even like doing it. ?

Meditation can be the same way. The first few times may feel awkward. But stick with it, and you will see the benefits!

And forget the conventional wisdom that says you just need to do it for 21 days — recent research says you need, on average, 66 days for a habit to become ingrained!

Don’t Find the Time — Make the Time!

If you tell yourself you’re going to “find” the time in your schedule for meditation, you probably won’t do it. We all feel like we have such busy schedules that we can’t possibly squeeze something else in! You need to MAKE the time. You’ve signed up for this course, which indicates you want to make this change. Here’s where the rubber meets the road — you need to schedule time for meditation.

An old zen proverb says that when a student asked his master how long he should meditate, his master said, “One hour each day.” The student was aghast: “But what if I don’t have an hour each day?”

The master replied, “Then meditate for two hours.”

If you say you don’t have five minutes to meditate each day, YOU REALLY NEED TO MEDITATE! We all have five minutes — we just need to make it a priority.

Your Mindfulness Plan

Click this link (My Mindfulness Plan) to download your mindfulness plan — it walks you through some questions to help you determine the best time of day to meditate, and it has a weekly schedule on it so you can commit to paper your intentions for your practice.

Remember that intentions are just that — intentions. Remember our foundational attitudes of mindfulness, especially nonjudging and patience. If you miss a day, you miss a day. Don’t beat yourself up about or think you’ve “failed” mindfulness! Acknowledge what your intention is, and start anew the next day. That’s all we really can do, right?

One of the most common questions I’m asked about meditation is, “How do I sit? Can I lie down to meditate?”

Let me say right off the bat that I think you should meditate in whatever position makes you comfortable, and allows you to remain alert. The video below is not intended to be prescriptive in the sense that YOU HAVE TO MEDITATE THIS WAY OR ELSE YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG. Because you can’t do meditation wrong!

Consider this video a bunch of helpful suggestions and tips for various postures for meditation — you may need to experiment a bit and find what works best for you. (Note: the sound isn’t the greatest in this video because I’m moving around a bit to show different postures and I’m not mic’ed).

When you practice each day, you can use the audio provided in the first lesson this week, or you can set a timer for 5 minutes and meditate on your own. Remember, we all have five minutes in our day — mindfulness is a practice, and we need to make the time to strengthen our mental muscles. Enjoy your workout!

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

Mary Oliver

---

So we’ve covered what mindfulness is, and is not, you’ve created a practice plan, and you’ve learned about how to sit. Hopefully, you’ve been able to find time in your day for five minutes of silence and stillness. And if you haven’t? Don’t worry. You’ll do it when you’re ready.

But now you may be wondering, “What do I actually DO when I meditate?”

I think part of why people always ask this question is because meditation stock photos make it look like meditation is going to be AMAZING and FULL OF INSIGHTS AND EPIPHANIES and MY CHAKRAS ARE EXPLODING OUT OF MY HEAD and I AM SO BLISSED OUT RIGHT NOW THE SUN SHINES DIRECTLY UPON ME IN THIS GORGEOUS OPEN FIELD.

(That’s why I chose the picture of boring office man meditating above. Though who sits on top of their desk to meditate?)

So we try meditation for the first time: we sit in silence… and realize it’s kind of boring… and then because we’re bored our mind looks for some stimulation and we think about things like did I forget Aunt Josey’s birthday last week? And then we realize we’re thinking about something and then we try to focus on our breath and then our mind wanders again and we think man, I suck at this…

Guess what? That’s meditation! It’s often not very glamorous. You might think you’re doing it wrong. (Hint: you’re not).

So here’s what you can do…

[Before beginning a meditation practice, it may be helpful to identify a special place where you will meditate – perhaps a corner of your room, or a special area of your house (or a wide open meadow with sunflowers and gorgeous fluffy dandelions, if you have one available ). You can read this article on my blog about creating a meditation space in your home.]

You’ll also want to get your pillow, or blankets, ready, and any other items you’d like. (I like to light a scented candle for each meditation session).

I always set a timer when I meditate – there are many basic meditation apps that are free. Some of my favorites are the Insight Timer, Headspace (starts with a free trial), or Smiling Mind (designed for kids, but grownups might like it, too!).

If you’re just starting your practice, set your timer to 5 minutes.

My Simple, 5-Step Guide to Meditation

* You may want to listen to the audio meditation included in this lesson (scroll down to access).

1. Take a deep breath, and bring your attention to your posture. If you are seated, you want to be upright, but not rigid, in a dignified posture. Imagine you are sitting against a tree, or a wall. Think of your head as resting comfortably on the top of your spine. As you take these first deep breaths, bring your awareness to your physical body – you’ve probably spent most of your day in your head, so take a moment to ground yourself in your body.

2. Bring your attention to your anchor (see below) – to the breath (in the nose, chest, or abdomen), to the body, or to the sounds in the room). You don’t need to control your breathing, just as you don’t need to control the sounds in the room. Let your breath breathe itself. Let the sounds come to YOU, rather than actively trying to hear them.

3. If your anchor is the breath, you may find it helpful to count the breaths. Count to 10, and then start over. You likely will find your mind wandering well before you get to 10 – that’s okay! If you notice your mind has wandered away, just bring your attention back to your anchor, and start again at 1. And again…

4. This is when your mind will go nuts. You’re gonna start thinking about dinner … and whether bees know they’re going to die when they sting you … and who you need to be following on Twitter … THIS IS NORMAL. It’s what I call the cognitive vomit of the brain. Don’t try to stop the thoughts. Just notice them. Be curious about them! (There’s more about dealing with thoughts in the next lesson).

5. When the bell or timer rings, take three more deep breaths. Notice the state of your mind and body now, compared to before you began your meditation session. Notice what thoughts or emotions came up during your practice. You may find it helpful to journal afterwards about your experience.

That’s it! Simple, but not easy. It might look boring from the outside, but this is POWERFUL MENTAL TRAINING! Each time you bring your attention back to your anchor, you are strengthening your mind’s ability to concentrate. You’re building greater awareness of your body, your mind, and your emotions. You’re strengthening the neural pathways in your brain for paying attention. The sun may not be shining out of your head, but you’re doing brilliant work!

Happy practicing!

Finding Your Anchor — Guided Meditation

Listen here….

or here: Anchor Meditation

Everyone is overridden by thoughts;
that’s why they have so much heartache and sorrow.
At times I give myself up to thought purposefully;
but when I choose,
I spring up from those under its sway.
I am like a high-flying bird,
and thought is a gnat:
how should a gnat overpower me?

– Rumi

After a few days of practicing, you’re probably noticing a lot of THOUGHTS!

And that’s TOTALLY NORMAL. You are human. You are going to think.

Remember, mindfulness is not about NOT THINKING, it’s about bringing awareness to our thoughts.

At the same time, meditation is not “thinking with your eyes closed.”

So what do you do when you notice thoughts?

First, you should be excited — that’s mindfulness!! Knowing you are thinking when you are thinking is the entire practice! You’ve observed that your mind has wandered. So don’t ‘beat yourself up’ because your mind wandered — be thankful that you noticed. The more you practice, the more you’ll notice your mind wandering. We don’t ever get “better” at meditating, but you will likely notice that you start to catch yourself thinking more toward the beginning of the thought, rather than getting lost in a long train of thoughts.

When you do notice a thought, you can practice what’s called “noting” — you can simply say to yourself, “thinking, thinking.” I think it’s important to say the word twice, and in a kind voice. A gentle “thinking, thinking” is much kinder to yourself than “THINKING!”

Once you’ve noted the thought, just observe it. You don’t need to engage it, follow it, or suppress it.

In a session I once conducted for teachers, after I led a brief meditation, a participant said, “I had a hard time pushing my thoughts away!”

That IS a hard practice. We’re not pushing anything away! Remember our foundational attitude of allowing — we allow the thought because it’s already there. We observe it, and watch it run its course. We invite it to float on past — and it might. But it might stick around. We allow that too.

Do you remember the show SuperNanny? The one with the sassy British nanny who helped American parents learn how to discipline their kids? Jo Frost (aka the SuperNanny) would teach parents the proper technique for using time outs, which involved repeatedly bringing the child back to the “naughty corner” (or whatever the timeout location was) every time the little cherub escaped.

This often happened over 60-70 times in a span of 10-15 minutes! 

And that’s pretty much what we’re doing in meditation. We set the intention to pay attention to the breath. And then our mind wanders away. We gently bring it back. The mind wanders again…. and so on.

The SuperNanny also told parents that when they retrieved the escapee, they should not engage in dialogue — no scolding, no rationalizing, no questioning. They simply and wordlessly brought their little one back to timeout.

It’s the same in meditation. You don’t scold yourself for “letting” your mind wander. You don’t engage in dialogue with the thought (“yeah, you SHOULD be mad about that comment that person made three days ago because….”). You gently, non-judgmentally escort your attention back to the breath.

There are many other helpful analogies for this practice — you can imagine that your awareness is the vast, expansive blue sky. Each thought is a cloud passing through. Some are dark and stormy, others are light and fluffy. But they all eventually pass on their own time.

You can imagine your awareness is a river, and thoughts are passing ships.

I like to imagine that our awareness is like the ocean, and while it might be active and stormy on the surface, we can dwell in the depths below, in the gorgeous stillness beneath thinking and doing.

In mindfulness meditation, we come to recognize that thoughts simply come and go… and they don’t require engagement. We realize thoughts are actually quite fleeting. And, more powerfully, we realize that we have a choice about whether to engage with a thought or not! This profound insight stays with us well after we end our formal meditation session.

So continue with your five minutes of mindfulness practice. You can use the audio meditations from the previous lessons, or you can set a timer for 5 minutes, and practice mindfulness of thoughts. 

Your practice will look something like this:

Repeat, repeat, repeat….

You’re almost through the lessons for this first week! I’m so proud of you for making this commitment to your practice!

We’ll wrap up this first week with a lesson on mindful eating (one of my favorites!) You’ll need some chocolate (although any food will do!)

“We have holidays for so many important occasions – Christmas, the New Year, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, even Earth Day. Why not celebrate a day when we can live happily in the present moment all day long? I would like to declare today “Today’s Day,” a day dedicated to touching the earth, touching the sky, touching the trees, and touching the peace that is available in the present moment.”

Thich Nhat Hanh

After a week of practice, you may have already experienced “the peace that is available in the present moment.” Just a few moments of stillness and a few deep breaths can be incredibly powerful.

So how do we carry that stillness with us throughout the day? How do we shift from the formal practice of meditation to making mindfulness our way of being in the world?

Everyday mindfulness is a practice, just like meditation. You may set the intention to bring your full attention to the act of cooking — noticing the sound of chopping veggies, the smells wafting over from the stove – and then soon find that you’re thinking about your meeting tomorrow morning, or whether you should post a picture of the veggies on Instagram, or how you got your bangs to stick up so high off your head in the eighties.

And, just like you would in formal meditation, you note that your mind has wandered, perhaps using the “noting” technique I described in the previous lesson: “thinking, thinking,” “planning, planning,” “remembering, remembering…” And then you bring your awareness, your attention, back to your task. Wash and rinse the veggies, repeat!

A fun activity to introduce the practice of everyday mindfulness is mindful eating. Eating is certainly one of those activities we often do mindlessly (“What happened to that whole bag of chips???”)

In this lesson, we’re going to practice mindful eating. Traditionally, this practice is introduced in mindfulness classes with raisins, but I think chocolate is far more appropriate. You’ll want a chocolate candy that is wrapped (because melting), although you could use virtually any food you’d like for this exercise. But I’ll be using chocolate – it boosts serotonin levels, you know!

Grab your chocolate and watch the video! 

(As this is the self-paced version of the course, please ignore the reference to the Q&A video.)

See if you can practice mindful eating once this week. It doesn’t have to be the entire meal — maybe just try spending the first minute of a meal in silence. What’s it like to really focus on the taste, the texture, the experience of eating?

You’ve made it to the end of week one — well done, brilliant mindful YOU!