Your Self-Care Plan

[progressally_objectives]

“The small retreat is in the wilderness,

the medium retreat is in the city,

and the great retreat is in the emperor’s court.”

Zen saying

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Parenting really is the great retreat in the emperor’s court. We can’t often retreat to the wilderness or even escape to the city for a few days — we must learn to practice mindfulness and care for ourselves in the glittering, overwhelming court of the emperor.

As much as mindfulness is about being in the moment and embracing spontaneity and everything the present contains, I also believe it’s important to have a plan. It’s important to set intentions for our practice (recognizing that they are just that —intentions).

I shared with you last week that it takes, on average, 66 days to instill a new habit, to make something become part of our everyday routine. If we want self-care to be a part of our days, we need to consciously integrate into our life. Clarissa Pinkola Estes asks, “How do we balance the need to go home with our daily lives? We pre-plan home into our lives. It is always amazing how easily women can ‘take time away’ if there is illness, if a child needs them, if the car breaks down, if they have a toothache. Going home has to be given the same value…”

So I would like to encourage you to create a self-care plan — to pre-plan home into your life. This will be highly individualized, because our souls are fed by different activities. To help you think of a balanced plan, I am sharing with you the model below, developed by my friend and colleague Marc Anderson of the M2 Foundation.

Marc says that to truly thrive, we want to incorporate each of the six “spokes” below into our lives. We should, ideally, take care of ourselves physically (sleep and nutrition), have a contemplative practice, cultivate our intellect, engage with our community, pursue creative passions, and practice kindness and generosity. We can’t, according to Marc, neglect any of these. Mindfulness is the center, the practice that helps us cultivate the wisdom and discernment to engage each of these areas of our lives.

Can we do all of these every single day? I don’t think so! I think we should approach it the way nutritionists talk about a balanced diet — do you get your 5 servings of veggies and fruits, lean protein, and 64 oz of water EVERY DAY? Probably not. But over the course of the week, do you eat fruits and greens and proteins and whole grains? You’re fine.

So think of this model as what you do over a week, or even a month. Is there a part that you are neglecting? A spoke you need — or want — to spend some more time in?

In your downloads for this lesson, you will find several handouts, including the six spokes model. You can use these downloads to create your own self-care plan. I’ve included printables that list the suggestions from the videos for this week, as well as other traditional self-care practices.

The first list (the “Self-Care Quick Reference Guide”) is meant to be things that you can do while you’re with your kids (or at least for a few minutes while they’re napping), or (in most cases) without leaving your house. The second list (“Simple Ideas for Soothing Self-Care”) is adapted from a blog post I wrote a while ago. Some of those suggestions may require a bit more time, or a babysitter. The third handout is a “quick reference guide” to self-compassion. Perhaps you could print these and post them in your home as gentle reminders for ways you can nurture yourself.

Then you’ll find a copy of the six-spokes model, as well as a blank one you can fill in as you think about creating a personal self-care plan. As I shared last week, when push comes to shove, we will revert to our traditional patterns rather than rising to our expectations. Taking the time to commit to a few self-care practices keeps us on the path of practicing compassion and nurture when it’s “easy,” so we can respond skillfully and mindfully when life gets hard.

Again, think of all of this as a menu — you choose the activities that will help you return home, put on your soulskin, and pat it on tight. Don’t feel like I’m telling you to do ALL of this ~~ and please share with us YOUR go-to self-care strategies if you have ideas or suggestions that I have not included.

As with meditation, a common reason we give for not taking care of ourselves is that we don’t have the time. The final page in your download for this week is a chart is intended to help you find the time. For one week, as best you can, keep track of how you spend your time. Include the big things (like work, school, children’s activities, making meals, etc.) as well as things like “25 minutes on Facebook” or “10-minute phone conversation with mom.”)

Once you can see — visually — how you are spending your days, you may notice some things. You may realize you and your family are too over-scheduled, and you can think about cutting back on activities. Or you may find some gaps in your day that you could use for self-care. Again, you are your own best teacher, so use this activity in a way that will make it most helpful to you!

So go ahead and download your goodies for this week and create your own self-care plan. As Marc says when he asks us to set our intentions, “Clarity and dignity may be our birthright, but if we don’t engage with them through practices and community they remain dormant. Practice with joy, and find your heart connection to these life activities so they aren’t ‘I have to‘s but are ‘I get to‘s.”