“In the movie Dan in Real Life, starring Steve Carrell as a single dad, there’s a line that seems to sum up the nature of lovingkindness. One of the characters says, straight from the heart, ‘Love is not a feeling, it’s an ability.’…
“Lovingkindness is a form of love that is truly an ability, and, as research scientists have shown, it can be learned. It is the ability to take some risks with our awareness — to look at ourselves and others with kindness instead of reflexive criticism; to include in our concern those to whom we normally pay no attention; to care for ourselves unconditionally instead of thinking, ‘I will love myself as long as I never make a mistake.’”
Sharon Salzberg in Real Happiness: The Power of Meditation
I have to confess – when I first heard the word “heartfulness” in connection with mindfulness, I rolled my eyes. “Heartfulness” technically isn’t even a word, at least according to my spell-checker.
In my first few years of practicing mindfulness, I had certainly heard of “lovingkindness” meditations, but I did not include them in my practice. Mindfulness, for me, was about disengaging from my thoughts, about using my breath to calm down, and managing my depression and anxiety. I remember thinking, “I don’t need to start going all hippie woo-woo, love-all-mankind, unicorns-and-rainbows, do I??”
Clearly, it wasn’t a very skillful response. ? In the years since then, I have developed a much greater appreciation for the practices of lovingkindness and heartfulness. In truth, the non-judgmental, gentle awareness we have been cultivating over the last month is a form of self-compassion and kindness.
In today’s video, I discuss the practice of lovingkindness, and explain why mindfulness truly does need heartfulness.
Daily practice note: As you know, our approach to mindfulness in Brilliant Mindful YOU is to start with a short amount of practice time, and gradually increase your meditation time each week. I would like to once again gently encourage you to increase your practice time.
If you’ve been sitting for 15 minutes a day now, try 20. If you’ve been sitting for five minutes, try 10. Ultimately, this is about listening to yourself and determining what works best for you. If all you have is 5 minutes one day, then sit for five minutes! If you miss a day, you miss a day. Mindfulness should not be something you do out of guilt or a sense of “have-to.”
I’ll leave you with these words from Andy Puddicombe of HeadSpace:
“In fact, real progress could arguably be said to be found in the willingness to sit down, day after day, no matter how you are feeling, and to simply be present with the mind exactly as it is. To have the courage and dedication to do this, no matter whether you perceive the meditation to be good or bad, pleasurable or unpleasurable, beneficial or otherwise…to do this day after day, with sensitivity and kindness, that’s progress.”
(See, there’s that heartfulness again!)
Finally, you may be interested in reading this blog post I wrote a few months ago, Born to Be Mild: Compassion is Our Basic Human Nature.
heart photo credit: Hardening the Heart via photopin (license)